CULTURE
Smoke, Flicks, and Chill: Hollywood’s Finest Horror Films
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Hope you’re not afraid of the dark.
Published on March 25, 2016

Halloween may only come around once, but that doesn’t mean you need a costumed excuse to binge watch the best scary movies around whilst laying in bed in a onesie with a bowl full of candy corn. And, to make everything just that much spookier, flip off that switch and have the only light in your bedroom come from that spark of your lighter approaching your freshly rolled joint. Thats right - heres the list of the best horror movies around (in no particular order) to watch while stoned.. Wait. Did you just hear that?

Scream (1996)

Nothing gets better than the 90s slasher flick that launched Neve Campbell into Scream Queenstardom. The whodunit style dark comedy/extremely violent horror movie has gone down in history with the infamous Whats your favorite scary movie?line, and it doesnt stop there. Viewing a movie like this under the influence will have you questioning every noise, creak, and unwarranted shadow as you pull the blankets up to your eyeballs. If you choose to watch this one with a friend, we wont judge you (much). And if you choose to follow-up with the just-as-entertaining sequel, stop there. Trust us.

Munchie: Swedish fish, or just about anything red. Because bloooood.

The Cabin in the Woods (2012)

It took some extra elbow grease to get this metahorror-comedy into theaters, but the valiant efforts of director Drew Goddard and the star-studded cast didnt go unnoticed. The film, which stars Kristen Connolly, Jesse Williams, and a Mjolnir-missing Chris Hemsworth, is already a huge blow to the brain regardless if youve smoked more strains than you can remember. The satiric movie, which has five stereotypical kids in a cabin who stumble upon a creepy basement, recite a strange dialect, and unleash all hell on Earth (literally) is quite possibly one of the best horror films in the last decade. Take a couple extra hits and sit back and let the 95-minute run time soak in, and then when you're done, maybe watch it over again. You wont regret it.

Munchie: Pop tarts. Youll get why soon enough.

Goodnight, Mommy (2014)

Screw the movie - the trailer for this Austrian horror film alone will have you screaming at your computer screen like a rowdy movie theater patron (and wondering why it didnt receive an Academy Award nomination). The twisted plot follows a mother who returns home to her twin boys after extensive cosmetic surgery, only for the two to take note of her weird behavior and conspire to reveal the realwoman behind the bandages. Weed will most certainly turn this viewing into a paranoid rollercoaster, but as long as you dont accuse your friend next to you of being a stranger, you should be fine. Bonus points if you manage to watch most of the movie with your eyes open.

Munchie: PB&J with the crusts cut off, just like Mom used to make.

The Descent (2005)

Lets hope youre not claustrophobic; this scary British flick takes six women down into the depths of a dark, murky cave system where, of course, nothing goes right. After losing equipment and forced to relocate following a cave-in, the group discovers they arent the only ones in the cave, with hordes of flesh-eating mutants (deemed Crawlers') roaming around - and theyre hungry. You dont need to be an expert spelunker to have a fear of tight spaces and the overwhelming sense of something right in front of you that you just cant see. With enough THC sedation, you might just feel like youre right down there with them. Good luck finding your way out.

Munchie: Pretzels and peanut butter - youll need all the energy you can get.

Trick ‘R Treat (2007)

Last but not least, weve circled back around to this perfectly themed holiday anthology that heavily enforces the traditions of All Hallows Eve. The film branches off into four different stories (ranging from your run of the mill vampires to a seriously unfortunate school bus massacre) with specific elements to tie them all back together at the end. Despite its limited theatrical release, this Michael Dougherty film has become a scary movie staple in any collection, and is one thatll have you hooked from the very first scare. The tamest on this list, even some solo bong hits wont stop you from loving each of these stories (Plus, an extremely great performance from X-Men star Anna Paquin.)

Munchie: Anything sugar coated and bad for your teeth. Tonight, its Halloween.

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Sean Abrams
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Sean Abrams is a Brooklyn native with a penchant for being the guy who eats only the pink Starbursts. He currently resides in Astoria and is an Associate Editor at Maxim Magazine. Follow him down the rabbit hole on Twitter at @seanybrams.
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